Essay Feedback Response

The criticism on the essay was very helpful.  It did express a lot of what I have felt and heard before about my writing, but wasn't ready to deal with.

From all of it I have a few new goals/resolutions to put to work

- stay away from ambiguous language

- provide more concrete examples and illustrations

- prune away ideas that could distract from the purpose of the writing

- create clear divisions between points

- summarize after illustrating or tangents

Writing and Oration

It seems worth finding ways to make the skills learned in writing more applicable to other realms. By comparing and contrasting writing with other skills, you could come up with new ways to apply it.  Naturally, skill in writing would transfer most completely in the arena of language.

Both writing and oration take the general form of "language" but there are many distinctive qualities to each which overlap and contrast.  While oration was forbearer to any ink on paper, it is true that quality writing is the precursor to good oration.  The differences between the two are most distinct in how they are perceived, and the way thoughts become language.

Writers are situated with a barrier of space and time between themselves and their audience.  This means that writers may give as much thought to a point or idea as they wish, but must bridge information to an audience that is not present. Because of this quality of time available, the reader naturally expects some depth and completeness of ideas, and can be put off by repetition of ideas.  Oration differs by how the thoughts are collected beforehand and committed to memory.  From there, each idea must be recalled after a point is made. Additionally, information is conveyed very rapidly through speaking. Because of this and the varying attention in an audience, repetition of ideas is a key feature to success in oration, not a failing.

 A writer has his thoughts committed to a page, and those concepts may as well be imbued in granite as they cannot tailor themselves to the mood or attentiveness of the pair of eyes that scan it.  Contrastingly, an orator may take cues from his audience.

The Ideal Essay

A good essay is like a performance.  There is a presentation of stage and a predominant voice that steps forward. The title or text might play out over any topic but that is still only the stage. The topic of any written text formed by some internal perspective, and what is most common between strong essays is visible character of an author's view. Still, an author need not inject himself by means of the personal pronoun "I." An essay in this aspect is most likened to a steeping tea. The ingredient that promotes flavour has left the mix, but its character is indirectly observed - an author might put energy into the topic, but it is still only boiling water if left without spice.

For my project essay to bridge the gap it needs a catching subtle infusion of character, a better display of the questioning and struggling that arrives at its theme, and more airs of dialogue, less a scientific form(a bit of divine intervention couldn't hurt).

Response: Research proposal feedback

The review helped most because it identified places where elaborated points didn't follow the intended structure, and revealed places that need elaboration for clarity.

Also, I feel more comfortable about placing the Problem section earlier in my essay.

The questions about the logistics of the method were well posed, and will help as I revise this for my portfolio.

On a side note, the way the comments were laid out was perfect!

Writing: More than syntax and mechanics

The importance of quality writing is not a value adequately conveyed in high schools. It is a skill downplayed in importance, called on casually. In reality, there are few things used so ubiquitously as language, and if the fundamentals for good writing are present, other valuable skills such as oration are naturally improved. Like most learned skills, development can be divided into phases of artistic growth.

 The first of these phases would be building an artistic pallate to begin working with: sampling and absorbing vocabulary, syntax, and ways of expressing basic ideas. The second would be emulation of style seen within writings of others. And the third might be seen as the end to borrowing and the creation of new original literary devices. This often includes adoption of a well-defined personal style. In truth, these developmental "phases" are more like interlinked and unending cycles, which must be consistently employed and maintained. 

With a multitude of skills, advances in capability appear to come in specific cycles.  There is movement between bright points of advancement, where new capabilities are discovered and made usable, contrasted with droughts from visible advancement, where practice feels ineffective or begins wandering. On reflection, my own writing hasn't advanced beyond the second phase earlier mentioned.These days I feel as though I'm in a wandering cycle, where practice makes invisible gains in progress. To advance from where I stand I need an inside look at the evaluation process, so that I can figure my own methodologies for self-evaluation.

If you would, let me know what kinds of practice best advances your progression as a writer.

Essays made essays

Essays are generally reviewed as relatively short pieces of prose about a particular theme or issue. In these works are concise analyses or interpretations of the author's observations or direct experiences.

Both Annie Dillard's and Gay Talese's accounts provide brightly fitting examples for this definition of an essay. In "The Stunt Pilot" Annie's comparative interpretation only injects itself after an immersive setting is displayed. "Ali in Havana" opens similarly, with an exposition of the scene.

Annie Dillard manages to compare the spatial artistry of motion by stunt-plane to the more conventional arts - the working pen, or a builting musical phrase - without seeming at all overly-ostentatious or presumptive. She again plays with interpretation when she provides the perspective of the ground swatting at a Rahm's performance. These concise comparisons anchor her work.

Gay Talese barrs no harsh details, as he relates his stay with Ali. The tension is captured, the stilted bouts of interrogation transcribed, and the playful magic of a legend is made real by his partially narrative account. Some interlude for explanation, and editorializing is included, but this remains an essay as it stays true to fact.

The fact that these are individual's own accounts, their perspectives translated to prose, is another detail that clarifies the works as essays.

("Silent dancing" not available for review)

Fun Fact

There has been suspicion about the role of the hormone vasopressin affecting monogamy in humans ever since high doses were observed to change normally promiscuous prarie voles into strictly monogomous mates. Now, it seems that genetics in men determines how strongly each of us responds to this effect of vasopressin, determining whether we show serious commitment-phobia or devotedness. One specific gene in particular, labeled RS3 334, was linked directly to "couple bonding."Subjects with multiple copies of this gene showed greater likelihood of having marital crisis or being unmarried. 

It sounds as if in the not too distant future, women could tell whether a man is huband material just by taking a peek at his genome. 

Careful where you leave your DNA fellas,  for a couple weeks pay she could take it to the lab and label you a cheat.